the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Randomize
