Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
We just shotgunned beers for America
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
