somebody snuck up and got me drunk
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
