he looks like a really good dad on facebook
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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