i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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