As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
