Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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