i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
