I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
