i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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