Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
