Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
