You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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