There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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