I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
