ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
