hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
