we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
