At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
