When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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