No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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