I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
