Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
