I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
party gras won. party gras always wins.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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