i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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