I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
