i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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