i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
