Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
