So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
