I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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