1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
