did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
