i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
