Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
