Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
