If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I want to have your abortion
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Randomize
