too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
