Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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