So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
last night I used snow as a chaser
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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