So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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