I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
