I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
