You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
