I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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