No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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