can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
