This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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