I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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