After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
