Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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