Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
