addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
