Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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