I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
