I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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