Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
