just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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