Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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