North Korea, Best Korea!
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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