My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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